Expectations

I often find myself in the midst of conversations particularly with young people where there is great disappointment. Not to exclude myself from these, I often have internal and sometimes outward dialogues of voicing my frustrations. When I’m in these times myself, I often ask myself if there are unrealistic expectations. Is there something missing from the relationship or situation that God had promised to be there? Or is it just failed and disappointment from my own expectations that we not met?

I think it’s so easy to look at what we know from someone else’s life and assume that when we enter a similar situation or season that it’ll be the same for us. What’s missing is all of the behind the scenes details that we may not know and the unique way that season will happen for us. Take marriage for example. When we are single it’s easy to look ahead and envision what our marriage will look like. We see other couples and think to ourselves that will be us someday. The reality is when we entertain these thoughts it’s in an immature state where we don’t even know our spouses. Often times these things can carry through a courtship, engagement and marriage seasons if we aren’t aware. By no means am I remotely disappointed with my husband or being married to him, but there have certainly been disappointments in this season that are out of our control. I know that God brought us together and I believe I have the greatest husband in the world (I’m sure your spouse is incredible too ;-) ). Just because I think the world of him doesn’t mean that our relationship or marriage was everything we expected, but God has been faithful to what He’s said for us. I never imagined I’d spend my engagement season 12,000 miles away from my fiancé. Nor did I imagine that food allergies and a car accident would bring a lot of physical complications in the first 6 months of our marriage. Yet in all of this, Jesus has reveled His love and character both in and through our lives and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is just one common example that I’m obviously personally walking out in my life. I learned early on in my relationship with Stephen that my “ideals” of years earlier and the way other people walked out their relationships wouldn’t be exactly the same for us. I learned that those expectations weren’t God directed and often weren’t even important such as being in the same town during engagement. I began to find JOY in the uniqueness of our relationship and quit comparing it to the fantasied observations I had of others. This has kept me from great disappointment and united with God’s true intentions for my life.

I hear the heartbreak in many voices as they convey that they wished situations were different. Most of the time, the circumstances are out of their control and are the result of other’s choices. A young person is not responsible for a separation of their parents or the death of a close loved one. The only thing that individual can be responsible for is their reaction to the situation and whether or not they choose to seek The Lord in it or not. We can really only choose to be obedient to The Lord through the leadership of His Holy Spirit and love Him at all costs. That is what He asks of us. We will face many options and make many mistakes, but ultimately if we are submitted to His leadership, we will find that peace and fulfillment that we are truly longing for. We may think we are longing for a specific cookie cutter scenario, but really we desire peace to rule in our lives. We can find that by abiding in Christ and allowing His expectations to guide us. We will constantly be disappointed by people and circumstances and if we allow it, we’ll feel dragged down and like our head is barely above water. However, if we choose to stay in His presence and inquire of His ways in our life, we’ll stay afloat.

We have the choice to either look at the imperfections of our situation or look to the perfection of Jesus Christ. I write this today because my life is FAAAAR from perfect, not that anyone remotely thinks that it is ;) I just say that to be honest and to free you from any expectations you have of yourself, your family, your job, your ministry or your marriage to be perfect. Only Christ is perfect. The great news is that as we allow Him to perfect His heart and character in us, we will become more like Him. This doesn’t mean that people will sing our praises and we will somehow become noble, but it does mean people will see Him rightly through our broken and often crooked places.

When we choose to look unto Jesus, who Hebrews 12:2 says is the author and finisher of our faith, we can be fully satisfied in the season we are in, no matter how great the storm. We can’t base our response to God on the met or unmet expectations of a particular season. When we do, we negate His good and perfect will and yoke ourselves to despair and hope deferred.

My prayer for you is that you would be equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17) And that you would love The Lord your God will all your soul, mind, and strength and that you would love those in your life. (Matthew 22:37)